Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
