So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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