Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize