apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
