I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
