I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
