he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
