Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
