They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
