I accidentally burped into my bong.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
