So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
