More tranny stories later!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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