after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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