My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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