she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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