he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
