possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
