there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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