I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
this is an emotional support booty call
You ruined the universe
Randomize