oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
