she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
