I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
