I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
