if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
