you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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