My liver just broke up with me...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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