Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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