Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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