I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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