4 words: hood of his car
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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