i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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