I feel like abortions should bother me more
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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