some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Define "chronic" masturbator.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
