he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
