I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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