i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
