"it" just moved
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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