Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
