doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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