It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
