If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize