we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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