Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
