A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
