i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
