don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
