these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She bit a glass in half.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
