it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
