I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
