If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
