Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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