i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
