420 ftw
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I love you.
Bad choice
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
