She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So squirting runs in the family.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize