I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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