Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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