i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
