wat bout pragnant strippers??
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize