the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
its liver damage thursday
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
