Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
