the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Two words: nipple clamps
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