Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My bed smells like the plague
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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