Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
