The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
