Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
