i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I smell like Dick and happiness
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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