508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
