Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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