I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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