bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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