I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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