Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
